The Circus We Missed (But the Kindness We Gained): Why Giving Still Wins
- Shane Warren
- 9 minutes ago
- 5 min read
There’s a story that actress Katharine Hepburn once told, and if you’ve read it before, it’s worth reading again. Not because it’s heartwarming (though it is), and not because it makes us all want to be better humans (though it definitely does), but because it reminds us of something the modern world forgets far too often:
The quiet power of kindness.
Picture it: teenage Hepburn and her father are standing in line for the circus. (Already, we’re in a more innocent time, no online booking, no “upgrade to VIP seats now,” just pure, wide-eyed wonder.) In front of them, a family of ten - eight children dressed in their best humble clothes, practically vibrating with excitement at the prospect of clowns, acrobats, and elephants.
You know how this plays out. The father reaches the counter. The ticket price is more than he has. The joy drains from his face. His wife’s hand slips away. A hush falls over their circus dreams.
And then, in a single, almost invisible act, Hepburn’s father “finds” a $20 bill on the ground and hands it back to the man discreetly, respectfully, and with the kind of quiet dignity that says:
“You matter. Your pride matters. Your joy matters.”
Katherine and her father never saw the circus that night. But they felt something far greater than elephants and ringmasters:The unshakeable, soul-deep joy of giving. [You can read the story in Katherine Hepburns own words at the bottom of this post.]
But What’s Really Happening in That Moment?
Neuroscience backs it up: acts of generosity activate the brain’s reward system, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, all the juicy stuff that not only elevates mood but boosts resilience and wellbeing. In short: kindness isn’t just good karma, it’s good chemistry.
Research published in Psychological Science even shows that giving to others activates the same pleasure centres in the brain as receiving money or delicious food. (So yes, helping a stranger can light up your brain like chocolate cake, without the sugar crash.)
And it’s not just in the brain. Kindness creates connection. It tells someone:
“You are seen. You are not alone. You are worthy.”
Which, if we’re being honest, is something we’re all quietly craving.
The Giver’s High Is Real
Hepburn ended her story with a line that deserves a billboard:
“The Giver is greater than the Receiver.”
It sounds poetic, but it’s also profoundly psychological. This "giver’s high" isn’t just a fleeting rush it’s a shift in perspective. Giving reframes the narrative from “What do I get?” to “What do I contribute?” and in that shift, we grow.
That’s not to say receivers don’t also benefit (the man’s gratitude is palpable, and we’d bet those kids remembered the circus forever). But the internal transformation of the giver? That’s where the real alchemy lives.
Kindness in Disguise: Why It Mattered That He Didn’t Feel “Helped”
There’s a brilliance in how Hepburn’s father gave: he didn’t offer help in a way that embarrassed or diminished the man. He offered it through dignity and discretion. He protected the father’s pride while supporting his family’s joy.
This is important. Because sometimes, help can feel like hierarchy.
But true kindness isn’t performative. It’s not about grand gestures or Instagrammable generosity. It’s about doing the right thing when no one is clapping, when the circus music has gone quiet, and all that’s left is you and a human being in front of you hurting, hoping, and holding it together.
The Gratitude Loop: Giving Creates Receiving (and Vice Versa)
Here’s where we tie in another psychological power-player: gratitude.
That father didn’t just receive a $20 bill. He received a message: “You deserve to keep dreaming.” His gratitude didn’t come from being rescued, it came from being respected. And gratitude, like kindness, is contagious.
Studies show that grateful people are more likely to pay it forward, more likely to help others, and more likely to feel connected to their communities. It’s a beautiful loop: Kindness sparks gratitude. Gratitude inspires kindness. Repeat.
So, What’s the Takeaway?
We live in a time where strength is too often measured in volume, power, or dominance. But stories like this remind us of a quieter strength, the strength to give without fanfare, to notice without reward, and to love without expectation.
You don’t need a $20 bill or a grand act of charity. You need:
An open heart.
A moment of presence.
And the courage to care, even when no one is watching.
So go ahead: drop the proverbial $20. Pick up someone’s spirit. Be the reason a child sees the circus; and know that you may never see the ringmaster, but you will feel the magic. Because in the end, kindness always wins.
Katharine Hepburn, in her own words:
"Once, when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus. Finally, there was only one family between us and the ticket counter. That family made a lasting impression on me. There were eight children, all under the age of 12. From the way they were dressed, you could tell they didn’t have much money, but their clothes were clean, very clean.
The children were well-behaved, standing in pairs behind their parents, holding hands. They were so excited about the clowns, the animals, and all the acts they would see that night. From their excitement, you could tell they had never been to a circus before. It was going to be a highlight of their lives.
The father and mother stood proudly at the front of their little group. The mother was holding her husband’s hand, looking at him as if to say, 'You’re my knight in shining armor.' He was smiling, enjoying seeing his family happy.
The ticket lady asked how many tickets he wanted, and he proudly responded, 'I want eight children’s tickets and two adult tickets.' Then she announced the price. The wife let go of her husband’s hand, her head dropped, and the man’s lip began to quiver. He leaned in closer and asked, 'How much did you say?' The ticket lady repeated the price. He didn’t have enough money.
How was he supposed to turn around and tell his eight kids that he couldn’t afford to take them to the circus? Seeing what was happening, my dad reached into his pocket, pulled out a $20 bill, and dropped it on the ground. We weren’t rich by any means. My father bent down, picked up the $20 bill, tapped the man on the shoulder, and said, 'Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket.'
The man understood what was happening. He wasn’t being handed charity, but he gratefully accepted the help in his desperate, heartbreaking, and embarrassing situation. He looked straight into my father’s eyes, took my dad’s hand in both of his, squeezed the bill tightly, and with trembling lips and a tear streaming down his cheek, he replied, 'Thank you, sir. This really means so much to me and my family.'
My father and I went back to our car and drove home. The $20 my dad gave away was what we had planned to use for our own tickets. Although we didn’t see the circus that night, we felt a joy inside us that was far greater than seeing the circus.
That day, I learned the true value of giving. The Giver is greater than the Receiver. If you want to be great, greater than life itself, learn to give. Love has nothing to do with what you expect to get, only with what you expect to give - everything. The importance of giving and blessing others cannot be overstated because there is always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy through acts of giving." - Katharine Hepburn
Want to explore how kindness, gratitude, and emotional intelligence can transform your relationships, workplace, or personal mindset? Let's talk. At Shane Warren Coaching & Counselling, we turn powerful values into everyday practices.
